Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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