How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
