i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
