3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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