think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
