The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
