i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
