Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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