Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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