someone get that fucking seahorse.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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