his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
