woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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