I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
