3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
