you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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