oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
