i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
