There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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