ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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