So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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