those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
