I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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