I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
