Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
