Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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