return my video game
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
