is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
