I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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