I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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