I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My bed smells like the plague
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
