Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
