So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
