if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sorry my hands just texted you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
