i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
