Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
