My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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