Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
