the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
