I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
