i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
