I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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