Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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