His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
