you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize