____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
