Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
