this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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