Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon

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(513): View more from Ohio

his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you

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(308): View more from Nebraska

And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?

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(250): View more from British Columbia

He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up

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