I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
