"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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