Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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