Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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