So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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