There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
