I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
