I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
