Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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