That's intense
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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