he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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