When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
