Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
