I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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