I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
