I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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