He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
